I think I have let go of an aspect of myself and then it shows up again. At first, I feel shocked or disappointed and then I am aware that this is simply an old pattern that is caught in the periphery of my system.
Although it might feel real, it is an illusion. It is not really stuck to me and it is definitely not part of me. It is like the ghost of a lower vibration.
I affirm to myself that I no longer have any such resistance in my system. I thank the ghost, and let it pass through me.
I imagine the inside of my ascending heart is an immeasurable building with many small rooms.
The rooms have doors that are locked from the outside. Whatever is inside a room can not get out unless I unlock the door. Once inside, each room feels a certain way, depending on what is locked up. I might feel vast and expansive or I might feel small and confined. The room feels very certain, but it can change from moment to moment. It is infinite and unlimited.
Even though my mind might get caught up thinking it knows, the ascending heart space is always more love than not. This is why when I unlock the doors and love whatever is in the room, the walls dissolve immediately.
I can become anyone or anything.
Deleuze and Guatarri, Georges Bataille, Don Juan and many, many more people have discussed the notion of “becoming.” I think mostly because it is both easy and unlimited.
Becoming is not brain work, although the imagination is fun and helpful. Becoming is something that takes place on a cellular or molecular level. It calls to old programs I have in my system that have been out of order or unused for most of my human experience.
(I received this gift from my star ancestors. They told me that in the evolution of human kind, we were never made aware that we could do this. It might be that this gift is more readily available now because now is exactly the time when we are supposed to start doing it again.)
I love becoming water. It is my most favourite thing to become. My cells remember what it is like to be water, so becoming water is as easy as imagining water and surrendering myself to the idea of it. I also see this as an invitation from the water to me. Water invites me into the feeling awareness of it's body. It invites me into our very being-ness.
When I become something, it always enters around my stomach area. This is another reason why becoming is not an activity of the brain. Becoming is a process that is inherent to the body, as it wakes up the dormant memories of previous disembodied experiences. As the solidity of the body breaks up, the quantum foam of otherness can enter freely.
It doesn’t really matter what I pray for. What matters is that I put my attention into that love space.
The Infinity 8's - All 8's Volume II
v of 8's.mp3
8's in a cross.mp3
circle of 8's.mp3
line of up and side 8's.mp3
one 8 over white out.mp3
square of 8's.mp3
When I close my eyes, I see a blending and blurring of colours that morph into shapes and forms. This is my infinity space. I am only able to see it because of the black void that it is.
I imagine I experience the same thing when my eyes are open. In that regard, I am less attached to the illusion of solidity in my experience. One shape simply breathes into the next. Energy drips from one form into another.
This is what the fluid atmosphere of source space looks like. The space tingles. The space is an endless ocean, and it is me.
In consciously letting go of old versions of myself, patterns surface that represent lower vibrations like guilt, sadness, anger, and judgement. They come this way so I can let them go. It is not always easy to face these aspects of myself. However, if I don’t judge myself or my experiences, I find peace easily.
Judgement versions of myself look like storm troopers. They wear boots and gloves, full body armour and helmets. When I unlock a door to a room in my heart, there is a judgement self standing right at the entrance. I usually don’t have to say or do anything, they just march right out of the room. As the judgement reaches the edge of my heart space, it starts to run. When the judgement reaches the loving space, which is freedom, the armour is gone and it is completely naked.
Judgements are mechanical. They are like wires in a machine. In actuality, there is not much connecting me to my judgements. It’s almost as if they are there just waiting to leave. Maybe they feel caged; contained into something they are not and were never meant to be.
I dream I am out for dinner with my partner. We go to a restaurant we used to love in our hometown. The waiter moves a table and two chairs to the centre of the room and we are about to sit down, as members of my family enter the dining room and approach our table. All of sudden we are at a party we didn't know about.
More family members arrive - my brothers and their families, my sister and her family, aunts, uncles, and deceased grandparents. I welcome each person with a kiss on each cheek. There are some people who are unable to receive this affection. They shy away, but it does not deter me. I continue to greet each person and kiss them and I am aware that even though this whole thing is a surprise to me, I am handling it really well. I am in the present moment with the love I feel for each person. All my family members have arrived and then my father’s old friends come into the room. I hug and kiss them and welcome them to the party. This could be a party for my father.
My eyes swell up and start to water. I can barely open them. I can’t see clearly and I feel uncomfortable. My partner and I decide to go outside for some air. Suddenly, the restaurant is high up on a hill and we have to climb a series of staircases to get down to the ground level. The stairs are steep and uneven. I catch my feet on pieces of protruding metal as we go down. I am off balance. I might fall. I could use a hand, but it seems as though my partner has rushed ahead me. Then, I have the sense that he is behind me, and he is waiting impatiently like I am holding him up. Still, he is not there to help me.
I continue to stumble down the steep stairs and I am scared I will never make it down. It's taking forever.
A voice rings out and says, “Don’t bother. She’s just drunk.”
I try to protest but no words come out. My throat has closed up. I want to scream, “I am not drunk. Something is wrong with me. I don’t know what, but I am not drunk.”
As I continue to make my way slowly down the stairs, I have the awareness that my partner is outside of the outside environment we are in. He is waiting for me. There is another presence beside me. His name is Juan. He helps me down the final stairs to the lobby area. He expresses dismay that my partner seemingly showed no concern for me. I am grateful for his help, but I am not worried. I know my partner loves me and I know that this is not our real life.
Again, a voice rings through the air, “She’s drunk. Don’t bother with her.” Juan leaves through the front door. I can’t understand how he got there before I did. I can't figure out who is speaking.
When I get outside, my partner has Juan in a head lock. It is like he has folded him in half and he is squeezing him or trying to snap him. I beg him to stop. I try to scream, but again, my voice is empty.
The scene shifts and my partner has Juan in another impossible position, and he is crushing him to nothing. He has almost disappeared completely.
I wake up.
The versions of myself and others who require my forgiveness appear as little children. They are either little versions of myself or little versions of other people. When I unlock the doors of my heart and greet them, they are crouching in the corner, full of fear.
I approach them with love. I offer my hand or sit next to them. I put my arms around them or hold their face in my hands and gaze lovingly into their eyes. I am tender and gentle with them.
If I use words, I say something like, “Thank you for bringing me here to be with you. I am going to release you into love now.” Or, I tell them, “I love you so much. Thank you for being you.” If I use feeling, I simply let my love flow directly to them.
The transmutation of energy from anger, sadness, and guilt into love is the act of forgiveness. I feel immediate relief, and so do they.
Then, I say it’s time for us to have fun now and I ask them if they want to come out and play. They always say yes.
Images of gold and silver spirals of energy come from my outer awareness and approach my body. The awareness is fleeting and dim at first, but it gets stronger and stronger in the following days, and then I can see the spirals clearly and feel them as they enter my physicality.
The energy spirals up the inside of my body. The motion is constant, invigorating (an inner world feeling of vitality), and strong. It is almost like a corkscrew, but more fluid and, less contained.
The spirals move energy up. They light the inside of my body. They are steady and free, and I have the awareness they are part of a larger energy system. I am beginning to sense the energy grids of my body.
The next day I realize the spirals have changed again. Instead of skirting the edges of me and coming toward me, they are permanently inside the centre of my body.
There are two that work side by side - one is gold, the other is silver. The don’t stop moving anymore. They embody energy that runs the length of me from head to toe. They are always with me now.
My love space has changed and expanded again.
I don’t know why I keep holding on to the idea that any of this experience might be the same from one day to the next. It is not. There is no such thing as anything stopping, or repeating in the exact way it has before.
Energy/love is in constant motion. It is always deepening. Expanding. It never goes away. Love never leaves us.
My love space used to be high above me, then it came down, just outside my stomach area. Now, I have an openness in my stomach area and there is a free flow of love/space energy that breathes from there.
It feels like I have no body limits in that area anymore. (Similar to the feeling on the top of my head and the bottoms of my feet.) I am hyper-aware of the illusion of physicality. I feel like the area at the top of my ribcage underneath my sternum and down, is processing breath into love into love into breath and I am able to transmute all kinds of energy.
My ribs open and close like flower petals, gently grasping the old energy and welcoming it into my body. My body is where the love is. My body is where the healing happens.
The process is as if old energy is a magnet to love, like the old energy is simply waiting for it.
It makes me think that negativity doesn't really exist inside of me, but it’s more that I plug into it. I feel like I am released from an immense mainframe computer.
If I am not open, it feels tight there.
The other thing that opens is connecting to the love I feel for myself.
I stay in a place of safety or I jump off a cliff.
More accurately, I am on the edge of safety and fear. My limits are what give me my edge.
It’s what I think about when I am certain I couldn’t possibly fly.
It’s what I let myself love.
Sometimes, I wonder why I fall back into limitation.
I do it to know God. I do it to know the difference between limitation and God.
It has been revealed to me that until I know God, my understanding of democracy as a governing system is yet to be fully realized.
Democracy is unconditional love. There is no judgement in a true democracy.
The two spirals become one inside my body. They are connected, as is everything. They work in concert, as does everything.
The spirals extend into information coming from the cosmos and from the earth. Their language of communication is available to me if, I turn off everything that I know about human communication.
This information transfer is happening all the time, even when I am not aware of it. If I am aware, it syncs with my being.
At it’s core, this energy is there to help me release any fear I have in my body. It is a turbo boast for my emotional self that reels in the past as it comes up for love. It exists so I can experience my potential as a limitless being.
I am everything I have always wanted to be, or say, or do and I’m afraid I won’t be able to be this after I ascend.
I want this life so badly. I am so in love with it. I don’t want it to change.
I am tied to my mortal life. I have not given myself over to spirit.
I am punishing myself.
The energy says: "Now. You are creating your reality. Now."
I am breathing.
No one will be left behind.
Even if I ignore or dismiss the changes that are occurring in my body, I will not be left behind.
Everyone is doing this. The old systems no longer apply, and no one will be left behind to fix them.
There is no need to fix.
Each breath I take scans my body for blockages.
Barely attached memories surface and are carried away with my next breath.
The spirals of energy spin layers of information to be delivered back to pure energy.
I can observe the energy now.
I can be in relationship to that energy now, because that energy is love.
I have an awareness of the infinite amount of energy my system processes within infinite numbers of systems.
The numbers are talking to each other - the molecules, the thoughts, the feelings, the materiality - all awarenesses and expressions are communicating or in relationship at once. The "at once" never stops becoming.
Relationship is everywhere.
The higher dimensions are a playground.
I am aware of a field around me. It is where I manifest and it is unlimited. It is where my angels live and my invisible counsellors and the ascended masters and fairies and many other light beings.
I practice sending them information in thought form or image or feeling and it doesn't have to be anything that makes sense in this world and it is infinite so I can send many impulses up there for healing and guidance.
The space up there is where magic is possible. What they send back to me can take many forms but I am constantly astounded by how funny they are.
They say they are funny because they like it when I laugh. They like it when I am pure joy.
I am infinitely different than you and any other being, but just like you, the core of me is love.
My love is everything I am. My love has always been expanding into more love for all of humanity.
We are this for each other, no matter what, even if we don't realize it. This is who we are.
You are exactly what I need you to be. I am exactly what you need me to be.